Perspectives — Music, Writing, and Life
“I choose not to see days of being sick and having to be picked up from school because I was so nauseous from harsh chemo treatments. I decide instead to see my days back then leaving school on a beautiful sunny afternoon and burning down the road in a Corvette with the badass granddaddy I adored.
“I don't want to focus on that day, as a sixth grader, when I was diagnosed with cancer for the third time; I want to focus on going to the skateboard shop just after we got the news and building my dream skateboard…..
Recorded April 21, 2021
“Life is an ever-changing collage of feelings, and by choosing the right perspectives, I think we can help cover the painful feelings with better ones. Yes, the old stuff will always be underneath, but the new picture will be what we see, live and feel.
“It ultimately comes down to you asking yourself what thoughts you want to breathe life into, your actual memories of struggles, pain, fear, and anxiety, or what you learned from those struggles and the ‘good’ threaded throughout those hard times. Which will you choose to see as defeated? You, or your disease?”
-Ryan in This Is Remission
Writing for CURE Online Magazine
Excerpt from Articles, January 2017 — July 2020
Published with Permission from CURE
Credit: CURE Online Magazine / Used with Permission
My earliest memories of being treated for cancer are filled with great people with huge hearts trying to help me through some of the hardest times that I can remember. Looking back, they all knew what was going on. They all knew what was at stake, but they just smiled on through it.
The day before treatment, oftentimes Sundays, I’d become overwhelmed with anxiety. I’d think to myself, “Tomorrow at this time, I’ll be sick.” I’d constantly watch the clock. I would calculate exactly how many hours I had until chemotherapy. During the countdown, I’d try to make every single minute count by cramming in as much playtime as possible—riding my bike, playing with my army men, climbing trees and just trying to forget the time that was passing.
When the next day finally came. We’d all wake up early, swing by McDonalds for a biscuit (without fail) and drive two hours to Atlanta. I usually couldn’t keep my eyes off of the clock. I would try to distract myself by chatting with my parents, listening to my Walkman or playing with my G.I. Joes. (We didn't have smartphones back then, folks.)
When we finally got to the clinic, I’d get my blood-work done and go sit in the waiting room with all the other kids—all of us were waiting for our name to be called for our dose of chemotherapy. This is one of the rare times that kids didn’t like to be picked first. During my time going for my treatments, all the kids pretty much blended in together. I just saw kids in a clinic—kids getting chemotherapy, just like me.
With time though, while sitting in that waiting room over the course of my many treatments, I began to notice one particular boy who sat across from me. I never got his name and I’m not even sure we ever spoke. We just occasionally looked at each other. I figured for the most part, he was just like me—just another kid waiting in line to get chemotherapy.
One day however, and I’ll never forget, the boy that I sat with in the waiting room so many times—the kid who had slowly lost his hair from his treatments, showed up to the clinic. Things had changed. He was not just like me, he had lost his leg.
This was one of the first times I truly realized the magnitude of what was going on. We weren’t all the same kids in a clinic. We were all different with different stories—and we would all have different outcomes. I might not have known how to articulate the impact of this at the time, but I definitely got the message—and it was a hard one to take.
As my treatments went on, occasionally I’d I see my friend. Until eventually, I never saw him again. I’d like to think that he overcame it all, just like me.
The Kids at the Chemo Clinic: I Thought They Were Just Like Me
Published on: March 1, 2017
A friend at the chemotherapy clinic told his story, but never said a word.
When I had cancer as a child, I didn’t really know what I was up against. As long as my parents made me feel safe and stayed positive, well, I trusted I’d be OK.
Now I’d much rather put together some happy story about my battles with cancer for you, but the story I’m about to tell was a turning point for me as a child. It’s not exactly happy, but it’s worth telling—and it’s one that should be told.
Hear the Heart Summer Tour 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
"Hear the Heart" Tour Picking Up!
The "Hear the Heart" Tour is really picking up! Adding lots of dates at places like, MD Anderson, UAB, Emory, and many other dates! Check the site for the full schedule, http://www.hearthehearttour.com.
I'll also be recording for the "Get Connected with Conn Jackson" TV show this Friday. I'll post the air date when I have it!
me
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Monday, June 21, 2010
TV Interview, "Celebration of Living" Performance and...
This last weekend was pretty ol' amazing! I was interviewed by Conn Jackson on, "Get Connected with Conn Jackson!" This is a relatively new show that airs on the Word network. Check out http://www.conntv.com for more info. I'll also be posting the air date on my website. We'll see how it turns out once they are done with editing it. Me on TV??? [scratches head!]
I spoke and performed Saturday at Emory's "Celebration of Living" in Atlanta, GA. This was really a great experience. I have never been really crazy about public speaking (I'm a public singer not speaker!), but I got a lot out of giving this speech and was glad to have had the opportunity. I also got to perform 4 songs. 3 off of my record, "Between the Lines" and 1 that will be on my new record.
Also, Vitamin Shoppe was kind of enough to sponsor me for the tour! So a big thanks to them!
Thanks for listening!
Ryan
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Wednesday, June 30, 2010
"Hear the Heart" Hits the Road and Grows Along the Way!
Well the tour started Monday at the John B. Amos Cancer Center! (Thanks for the coverage to all of the TV stations and the Ledger Enquirer!) Then Tuesday I hit the road to Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
Heading out a day early to make my interview with Fox 44, the trip was filled with rain, coffee, terrible drivers and phone calls! The best parts of course being the coffee and the phone calls. Phone calls of new dates being added to the "Hear the Heart" calendar. Along with radio interviews and news of early radio adds for my new single, "The View."
So, here I sit in Baton Rouge at a coffee shop about an hour and a half before my show at Mary Bird Perkins Cancer Center! I think it's gonna be a good one!
More later
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Thursday, July 1, 2010
Houses on the Road, Camels and a Surprise on the Radio!
It's been a very action packed week, tiring but great! Lots of coffee, driving and even camels, and no not the kind you smoke!
Today, after an awesome show at MD Anderson (great folks there!), while headed to Fredericksburg, Texas half of a house passed me on the highway. I don't have any other details or explanations...just that half of a house passed me!
Then, as I am on the outskirts of Fredericksburg, Texas, I see some camels just hanging out. Then I really hit the Twilight Zone and BAM!...there I am, "The View" comes on the radio!
It was a good day!
“Hear the Heart”
Communication's got you down
You don't even hear yourself
And when you listen closely
It's the voice of someone else
And all these days keep going by
And you wonder if your doing right
Then you get just a little sign
That everything's all right
[chorus]
Hear the heart
It's calling out to you
It's screaming through your chest
And when you
Hear the heart
It will lie on every breath
You have found your way
So just hear the heart today
A thousand pieces rattle in your head
And keep you up at night
How do they go together now
Will it ever work out right
It's already laid out for you
The plan is made and done
There's one piece that fits, and you can listen to
The heart's the only one
[chorus]
Hear the heart
It's calling out to you
It's screaming through your chest
And when you
Hear the heart
It will lie on every breath
You have found your way
So just hear the heart today
[bridge]
I believe you have found your way
Hear the heart to see through the gray
[chorus]
Hear the heart
It's calling out to you
It's screaming through your chest
And when you
Hear the heart
It will lie on every breath
You have found your way
So just hear the heart today
[chorus]
Everything’s alright.
